Part 1: Do You Know WHY You Are Getting Divorced?

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Significant developments and changes are threatening the survival of marriage as a life-long partnership. Knowing the root of your divorce issues and understanding it may be the key to a resolution.

The only thing constant is change. It is inevitable. It does not wait for anyone to prepare for it. When change comes, we have no choice but to embrace it and move on. But for half of all married Americans, they have not learned to cope.

The divorce rate in the US has reached 50% already. Experts who are closely observing trends and factors affecting the most basic unit of our society have noted some changes in the general attitude of society towards marriage. This changing attitude towards marriage is determined by the changing expectations from men and women, blurring of gendered roles, lifestyle and even economic considerations. These changes cause some people to give up on marriage altogether. They are happening too fast that a lot of them fail to cope with the pace.

Women Leaving The Home

Halfway into the 20^th century, women were recruited into the workforce to fill in the gap caused by men’s going to war. This opened up a world of possibilities for women to pursue personal development, careers and equality with men in the workplace. A lot are even doing better than their male contemporaries. Two incomes in the family mean surplus income, better lifestyle, more money to spend on leisure and other pursuits.

Before, love and shared material resources form the foundation of a marriage relationship. Now, with the women earning their own money, they are less dependent. Without this dependence on their husband, love has to bear the burden of keeping the union intact. More often than not, love is not enough.

Also, lesser dependence on men as providers for the family has given more freedom for women to determine relationship options. If it is economically viable to divorce, there is little else motivation for couples to stay together. Divorce has become an easy way out of an unhappy marriage.

Expected Gender-based Roles Blurring As The Reason For Divorce

As a result of this financial freedom achieved by women from their husbands, gender-based roles are now getting less delineated. Even men themselves expect women to contribute to the family income. In other words, women are not merely expected to render sexual, reproductive and housekeeping services to men. Conversely, more and more men are also more involved in child-rearing and other chores. Some men and women even shun the idea of having children to be responsible for, even if they are married. As it is, reproduction is no longer a prime consideration for marriage.

For those who opt to have kids, the added toll of striking a balance between career and family life is too much for most of them, particularly women. For example, a woman’s child-bearing role remains with her. She is expected not just to give birth but to be a good mother as well. On top of this, she is also expected to continue working after she has given birth. Sometimes, she performs one role at the expense of the other and usually, that “other” is her role as mother and spouse. Short tempers due to fatigue, lesser time for intimacy with the spouse or plain neglect of motherly/wifely duties are small irritations that corrode the peace and harmony within the home. Eventually, the couple grow and drift apart.

This blurring of roles and expectations requires that men and women should find new ways to relate to each other in the context of marriage. Otherwise, conflicts arise that eventually undermine the relationship.