You're Divorced… Now What? - RecordsSiteReviews.com

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You're Divorced… Now What?

The failure of a marriage may mean a lot of pain. But it can also be a door opening to a thousand and one possibilities. All you need to do is decide not to be miserable and simply live one day at a time. It takes effort at first but gets easier as days go by.

A person deals with divorce, as with any kind of loss, through several stages, depending upon the situation and the nature of the divorce that person just went through.

The Coping Stage of Divorce

Immediately after the divorce, there is denial or shock or anger or a combination of these. During this stage, coping is the name of the game. It is best to take each day at a time. You need to be very firm and decisive at this point. Among others, decide not to be bitter but to be a better person. Decide as well to move on and not hang on to your ex.

Also during this time, know that you are a distinct individual. Your personhood should not be devalued after failing in marriage. Make time to reacquaint yourself with you as one distinct individual, able of survival alone. In marriage, you always thought of yourself in relation to your spouse. Now, it’s different.

Reach out. Friends and family will prove most helpful at this time. Open up to them and openly discuss your feelings. You will rediscover the simple joys of morning walks with a trusted friend, or visiting with your parents. If you have kids, go on dates with them. In the case of the kids, bear in mind that you are not just healing yourself, but them as well, when you reach out to them.

Gradually make significant changes in your life like in your routine, or even your career. Make way for more “me” time in lieu of those moments you used to share with your former spouse. Make a conscious effort not to be trapped in the past.

The Thriving Stage of Divorce

When you have mastered the coping stage, you must be well into the thriving stage already. Here, you get into deeper things like forgiveness, friendship, total freedom.

Forgive. Forgiveness is release and usually, the person you are setting free is yourself. Refusing to forgive is like refusing to completely heal. Forgive not just your ex but also yourself. There is no point in wallowing in self-pity or bitterness. The sooner you realize that, the faster you can get your life back.

Make friends with your former spouse. It is to your best interest, and that of your kids (if you have any), to be friends with him or her. Aside from being stressful, having an enemy who knows you so well can put you in a lot of additional trouble. Make amends with the past. Thank him or her for the person you have become.

Freedom is a sweet word for those who desire nothing else. If you have found the courage to forgive and be friends with your former spouse, then, perhaps, subconsciously, you want nothing but freedom. If you have gone this far, you deserve to be free indeed. Freedom from a past relationship or a failed marriage means not getting affected negatively anymore. It means you have learned your lessons well and have emerged a better person. You have asserted your right to be given another chance to be happy, either with another person or alone as a happy single.