How to Get Divorced and Still be Friends With Your Ex

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Friends after divorce? Is it possible? The magnanimity of the human heart is beyond comprehension. Former enemies in war reconcile. Victims forgive their attackers and yes, former spouses even in ugly divorce cases can be friends after.

There are no set rules on how to be friends with your ex. There are some circumstances unique to you that determine what approach to take or what balancing act to do in order to build your friendship. But most often than not, former spouses start on a “common ground” – a hobby they used to share, same interests and the kids, if there are.

Your children are the most important reason why you should be friends with your former spouse. It is to their best interest to see you both acting like mature adults. Anyway, they are your “joint ventures” and even if your marriage has ended, your partnership in rearing them up does not. Discussing schedules for visits and bonding time can be businesslike sometimes but they can also be opportunities to reassure each other that past is past and everything is forgiven. When you forgive, you will discover that you have released someone free and guess who that someone is – it is you.

After forgiveness, respect comes next. There surely is something admirable in any person and your former spouse is no exception. Years of fighting may have corroded your respect for each other. But you can build that up again. There is no friendship between people who do not have a semblance of esteem for each other.

Divorce: Settle Unresolved Issues

Settle the issue of attraction. If you still feel something for your ex, it is difficult to be friends especially if he/she is in a new relationship. Once you get over that attraction, it comes almost naturally to be amiable and eventually, friends with him/her. This is easier said than done, though, especially in divorce cases involving a third party. The spouse who was left for a new lover feels rejected and the natural tendency is to reject the other, too. If you are the one involved with the third party, but still want to be friends with your former spouse, be more understanding and give your ex some time to heal. Go at his or her pace, not yours.

Whatever has attracted you to your ex, can also be the starting point of your friendship. Think about that time when love was young and hopes for your future together abound. Surely, there are good memories stored down there in your mind. Revive the positive feelings they inspire in you. Make these feelings more dominant than the bitterness you might have had before the break-up.

Life is what we make it, they say. How true. Life is a series of decisions and choices we make. At this point that your marriage has failed, you can choose to emerge either a bitter or a better person. It is obvious which one has a far- reaching positive effect on your life and future and that of your kids.

Lastly, time is your best friend in your effort to build a friendship with your ex. Don’t rush things. Time heals. It has a magical effect on mitigating any hurts you used to feel. Little, petty irritations that used to pepper your days when you were married are now gone as you don’t live together anymore. Time has now the chance to completely obliterate that in your new-found friendship with your former lover.

There is no pretense at making coping with divorce easy – it never will be. But leaving behind your emotional baggage and making a new friend out a former spouse will make your journey to a new life a lot more bearable and hopefully more exciting.